The sex talk is that dreaded conversation we sometimes continuously put off because of multiple reasons. We think our kids aren’t at that stage yet or they aren’t even talking about the opposite sex. But before we know it, almost overnight, we find our teenager is immersed in sexual culture. This may be because of their friends, school, or the person they are attracted to.
Are we too late to have the sex talk? Did we miss our window for purity conversations?
It is terrifying to think we may have missed a huge milestone! What do we do if we find ourselves here? And how can we catch up? Practicing these four habits will reassure you it’s never too late to start talking to your teenager about sex.
1. Ask questions and gain information.
Just like any good teacher assesses students in a class, you have to find out where your teenager lands in his/her knowledge about the subject. What does that look like for us as parents teaching our teenagers about sex? We have to ask questions and listen.
You might ask your teenager, “Oh your friend is going to the beach with their boyfriend/girlfriend? How many of your friends do that? Do you think that it is a good idea?” These simple questions can lead you to amazing insight into where your teenager stands on certain aspects of sex. Use your questions not to incriminate but to investigate.
2. Don’t try to change everything in one day.
This is harder said than done. As a parent, we do not want to see our kids go through anything that will hurt them. With this being said, the conversation about sex with your teenager can only be stomached in small doses (for them and for you), but that doesn’t mean that those small conversations are not impactful.
Small conversations that come up in the day to day moments of life can allow you to really teach and guide your teenager through their thought process of sex and how it affects them.
For example, a conversation about a lyric in a song can have a huge impact. Short 3-5 minute conversations can be just as effective.
Remember, you can’t teach them everything in one day and that is a good thing, because we are all learning every day about this topic in our culture. Don’t try to rebuild Rome in one day. Build it brick by brick.
3. Allow your student to discuss and talk through their thoughts.
When having these conversations, you will hear everything under the sun about how you don’t understand because you’re “old”. The first reflex, as a parent, is to show them really how much you know and dominate the conversation. That’s where I would encourage you to take a deep breath and say, “Help me understand.” Allow your teenager to really flush through their thoughts about sex and what they think. Continue to listen and take notes.
This can help in a few different ways. When your student feels heard, they are more likely to listen and receive from you. How many of us have shared a few remarks and thought, “What did I just say? That’s dumb!”? Allowing our kids to “educate” us on our “ignorance” is not always a bad thing. The best part is that they are talking to you, and that is the biggest win.
4. Remind yourself it’s never too late and it never ends.
Satan would love nothing more for you to do nothing to educate your teenagers about sex. He would love for you to believe that lie, so your teenager could go out into the world and find out for themselves.
It’s never too late to start this conversation. No one loves your teenager more than you, so who better than to have these conversations than you!
Remember, this conversation never ends. Your teenagers will continue to grow older and sex will continue to be a part of their lives.
This is a long journey for you and your teenager for years to come, but God has entrusted you to do it! He has designed you specifically to raise your teenager, and there is no one better for them than you! Continue to fight for him/her, and your teenager will be blessed because you did!