Forgiving others can be one of the most difficult challenges we face in our lifetimes. Avoiding it, however, can trap us in a prison of unforgiveness. In the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant, Jesus reminds us that he gives us the power to forgive and walk in freedom.
The Prison of Unforgiveness
In my early 20s, I spent months in a prison of unforgiveness after my wedding engagement suddenly ended days before my wedding. I was trapped behind the padlocks of anger, pain, confusion, and broken-heartedness. The hardest lock to break open, though, was unforgiveness. Jesus gives us the key we need to escape this prison, though, in the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant
For this reason, the kingdom of heaven can be compared to a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle accounts, one who owed ten thousand talents was brought before him. Since he did not have the money to pay it back, his master commanded that he, his wife, his children, and everything he had be sold to pay the debt.
At this, the servant fell facedown before him and said, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you everything.’ Then the master of that servant had compassion, released him, and forgave him the loan.
That servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him, started choking him, and said, ‘Pay what you owe!’
At this, his fellow servant fell down and began begging him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’ But he wasn’t willing. Instead, he went and threw him into prison until he could pay what was owed. When the other servants saw what had taken place, they were deeply distressed and went and reported to their master everything that had happened. Then, after he had summoned him, his master said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Shouldn’t you also have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And because he was angry, his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured until he could pay everything that was owed. So also my heavenly Father will do to you unless every one of you forgives his brother or sister from your heart.
Jesus so graciously lays out a clear warning for us with this story. In this story, an indebted servant begs his master to have mercy on him, and his master grants complete forgiveness of his very large debt. The servant goes on to refuse the very same forgiveness to another for a smaller debt. As a result of his unforgiving spirit, the servant exchanges his freedom for a life of being tortured behind bars.
When we plant our feet in a position of refusing to forgive others, we lock up our minds and spirits. Anger, revenge, pain, and bitterness continuously consume our thoughts. There is no room for peace, light, or joy inside the prison walls. We lose our freedom! Let’s choose forgiveness.
What is Forgiveness?
Forgiveness is NOT declaring that what happened was okay or justifiable. It is not conditional on an offender’s apology, and it is not a form of giving in or giving up. Most importantly, forgiveness is not forgetting. Forgiveness is freedom. Forgiveness is deciding to move forward, releasing bitterness and hatred, taking captive one’s thoughts and deciding that another can no longer bind you.
Find the Key to Freedom
Jesus illustrates in the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant that the key to forgiveness, freedom, and restoration is the cross. As pastor Dr. Tony Evans puts it, “The cross is our point of reference.” The forgiveness of our sins on the cross is our point of reference. Even as Jesus was hanging on the cross, he said, “Father, forgive them.” (Luke 23:34). In his final moment, he prayed on behalf of his scoffers that the Judge would pardon their sin.
We can surrender our hurt to our Heavenly Father, recognize all that we have been forgiven through the power of the cross, and declare that “because I have been forgiven, I am able to forgive others only through the blood of Jesus.” This is our key to freedom.
Jesus did not pay the cost of our lives so we would spend our days on Earth as prisoners. Like the master in Jesus’ parable, he paid all of our debts at the cost of his life so that we could walk in freedom.
Jesus responded, ‘Truly I tell you, everyone who commits sin is a slave of sin. A slave does not remain in the household forever, but a son does remain forever. So if the Son sets you free, you really will be free …’
How Do You Move Forward?
How do you move forward when you are ready to forgive others? Not on your own.
Ask the Lord for Help
First, ask the Lord to soften your heart, for the strength to extend the same forgiveness you’ve been shown by Christ to those you need to forgive. “[B]e kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.” (Eph. 4:32).
Remember you can offer forgiveness and find freedom without an apology from those who hurt you. The beautiful part of Jesus’ salvation and forgiveness is that we brought nothing of our own power to the process. He did not need our apologies or our repentance, our good works or our wealth, for us to receive our forgiveness. Likewise, we need no apology or repayment to find healing.
Seek Wise Counsel
Seek wise counsel from others who can pray for you and minister to your soul. Let others help you carry your broken pieces to the Father.
Pray for Peace
Pray, and as you do, physically open your hands as an act of releasing the pain you have been holding onto so tightly. Ask God to pour his Spirit of peace into your hands in exchange, and allow new life to enter. Allow yourself to see the world in a new light knowing you do not have to carry the weight of unforgiveness any longer. Breathe.
Remember the Cross
I have lived in seasons of unforgiveness, but I have also again and again experienced the freedom of forgiveness. Each time, it has only come by remembering all that I have been forgiven in Christ. There will be times when we hurt, but God will continually show up in his grace to liberate you. Remember the cross.
Make Your Choice
In a famous scene out of the movie, “The Shawshank Redemption,” coincidentally a story about two men in prison, Andy Dufresne says to his buddy Red, “I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living, or get busy dying.”
So, which do you choose?
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