Fighting Pornography Addiction
Last year, I was eating lunch with a friend and fellow dad. In the midst of our conversation about sports and the food we were eating he asked, “Can I talk to you about something?” He then went on to tell me that his wife caught him looking at porn.
As we continued the conversation, something very important was happening. He was beginning the journey toward freedom, and though he had many steps to go, thankfully he took the first step of exposing his very personal struggle. I was excited to help him step out of an addiction to pornography, while reassuring him that he was not alone in his struggle. However, the dichotomy in this situation is that while he is not alone in his struggle; he is a minority in the fight to end that struggle.
A Google search for the number/ages of people who view, or are addicted to, pornography reveals some shocking statistics. Those studies also show that pornography affects emotional, relational, sexual and mental health. Essentially, watching pornography re-wires the human brain. Research shows that two out of three Christian men watch porn monthly. Yet, not many of them are doing anything to fight against their addiction. If you are searching for a way to fight against pornography, whether your own addiction or to help someone else, this resource dives into the spiritual aspects of the pornography battle. Here are some Biblical truths to encourage those fighting against pornography.
Pornography is a Distraction
Dr. Samuel Perry, a sociology professor at the University of Oklahoma, has done extensive research on the effects of pornography use on a person’s religious commitments. He summarized his conclusions with: “Any porn use…is associated with declines in religious commitment and behavior (ie. attending services, prayer, etc.) and an increase in religious doubts.”
If you are a Christ follower, you have a purpose. God has put you on this earth for His purpose, to serve His Kingdom. And as Christ followers we must “be sober-minded, be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour,” as 1 Peter 5:8 says.
Porn is a distraction and the devil — who is the enemy of God — knows how to keep our eyes off of the things of God. The enemy is using porn as a tool to destroy homes and it is working. He also tries to convince us that porn is harmless but it is an incredibly destructive distraction. Pornography is distracting God’s people from their purpose causing less devotion to spending time in God’s word, submitting in prayer and leaning into Spirit-led community. I have listened to many men talk about the shame they feel when they read their Bible knowing that they have been looking at porn not long before. Shame is another weapon of warfare the enemy wants to use, and I believe that the correlation of shame and porn addiction is the root to why this is such a hard fight.
The Fight with Shame
All addiction brings about shame and guilt. If a person is addicted to drinking alcohol they may sober up, feel guilty and then declare, “I’m never doing that again.” Pornography can be a very private addiction and the struggle is often unseen by others. Thus, increasing and intensifying the feelings of shame. The enemy wants us to feel that intense shame and isolate us in our struggle. Attempting to sell us the lie that “Jesus doesn’t love me because I’m doing this.” That cannot be further from the truth. Our position in Christ, and in His grace will never change if we have confessed Him as our Lord and Savior. Hebrews 13:8 says, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.”
The moment we put our trust in Jesus, His grace is upon us. That will never change. Ever! But when we are stuck in addiction, we believe the lie that Jesus somehow changes. We believe that he is further from us, and that is simply not true. He loves us and nothing we can do will change that. He will never love us more or less than he already does because of our actions.
True Light Breaks the Darkness of Shame
If you are still in darkness—meaning you are stuck in porn addiction and have never told anyone –shame will only grow. Like a festering wound that at first we just kind of deal with from day to day but eventually it gets badly infected creating other issues. When we take the step to bring it to light we are asking the Lord for a way out. We are asking for Him to begin healing the wound. God promises that He will give us victory.
1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “No temptation has come upon you except what is common to humanity. But God is faithful; he will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to bear it.”
When you expose the parts of yourself living in darkness and bring it to light, you are asking the Lord to give you a path. He will make a way! This is not a suggestion; it is a promise. He will give you a way out. If you are ready to get out, you have to take the first step, into the light; the light of God’s truth.
I Want to Bring This to Light—What Do I Do?
“Dear friends, I urge you as strangers and exiles to abstain from sinful desires that wage war against the soul.” 1 Peter 2:11. Do not fall into the trap and believe that pornography is harmless Participation in pornography, like all unrepentant sin, is a war against our souls. In this war against our souls, we can’t just tighten our bootstraps and tell ourselves, “Ok, I’m done.” This may work for some, but it rarely ends in success as a long-term solution.
If you are ready to bring your struggle to light, you must be ready for the long fight. Having worked with men and teenagers for seventeen years, I have come to learn that this is not a quick fix. You cannot take a magic red pill and be rid of your desire to look at porn again. You must commit to the long journey of recovery and healing. If you are ready for this commitment, I want to encourage you to do two things:
1. Tell a trusted friend
A trusted friend needs to be someone that loves Jesus and who will point you to the truth. You cannot fight and move from the dark places without someone else knowing about it. This is more than just getting an accountability partner. This is a spiritual weapon you must use. The moment you speak these words, like my friend at lunch, you are exposing darkness. The Lord hears your words and so does the enemy and enemy hates this. If you find that you don’t have a trusted friend who can walk with you, go to your pastor or church staff. The enemy wants you to believe that you do not have the courage to do this. Hold on to Jesus’ words in John 16:33, “You will have suffering in this world. Be courageous! I have conquered the world.” Jesus has conquered this world. He has defeated the enemy and that power lives in you through the Holy Spirit. Be Courageous! Exposing darkness will not save you from suffering, but it will bring healing and freedom. Be courageous!
2. Take the 30-Day Freedom Fight Challenge
My friend, Ted Shimer, started a website for pornography addiction and has created a Biblically based 30-day challenge. It is a powerful tool to help you start exposing the darkness. A Biblical, clinical and practical approach is essential to finding freedom from pornography. The 30-Day Freedom Fight Challenge can be the beginning of your journey toward freedom. Whether you are looking for answers for yourself or to help someone else, freedom is possible: not just behavior modification but genuine freedom and life change.
Remember, you are not alone.
If you are reading this and feel lost and alone or don’t know where to turn; email us at info@empoweredhomes.org and someone will reach out to you.
For more information about our partnership with The Freedom Fight visit https://empoweredhomes.org/resource/the-freedom-fight-30-day-challenge/.
